10,000 views!!!

I'm AMAZED that I've made it this far! Years ago I started this blog along side a friend who I thought would keep up with me as far as new content. 50+ posts later I still manage to put something new out every now and then. (Not as often as I'd hoped but no ones perfect...)

All I can say is THANK YOU for all the support through the years. It has motivated me to keep this up for another year as well as inspire me to create some new and original content on a more regular bases.

In the future you can expect some "Top 10" blogs as well as more wedding video promos. In addition, recent events has caused me to want to vent more so expect more poetic material, (hopefully not emo.)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

(BTW: The counter you may see at the top of my page does not reflect the views from mobile devices so I based my count off of Googles internal counter. It's way more accurate.)

Eddie Murphy NOT Dead!

Apparently, the news is Eddie Murphy died from a snow boarding accident. But I've learned never to trust Twitter and Facebook so I'm hoping to deliver definite details asap...

So far all I have seen is this story:
http://eddie.murphy.mediafetcher.com/news/top_stories/actor_skiing.php

UPDATE

I'm chalking this one up as a hoax. Apparently someone really wants Eddie Murphy to die on a snowboard... If I was him, I'd stay away from those mountains...

I suppose Shrek 5 and 6 are safe. And let's not forget about Mushu's Great Adventure...

See ya next REAL blog...

Farewell Vicephotos.com

This is a blog that I have been meaning to write about for a year now.

Ever since the announcement of Apple's iCloud service, Mobileme users were made aware that their current iWeb services would be discontinued. Each member was given a free years extension of the service as well as sufficient time to find a new web host to migrate their website to. Sounds simple huh? Well here was my problem.

My Site was designed from the ground up using iWeb. That is, no existing template was used. To update my site, I had to make whatever changes I wanted through iWeb and whatever was on my mac would then replace what was once on the site. There was no way to edit your pages outside of iWeb, so if you lose the template files you created on your mac then you lose those pages on your site.

Knowing this, the smartest thing to do would be to make a back up of the files in case something was to happen. That is exactly what I did, utilizing Apple's "Time Machine" back up system. Or so I thought.

Tragedy struck late last year when the hard drive on my Mac needed to be replaced. For the first time ever I could breath a sigh of relief knowing all my important files were safe. Well, everything BUT my iWeb files. I am not the first victim of this but apparently Time Machine does not know how to back up iWeb's files.

There was no way to know this would be the case, as the idea behind Time Machine recovery is to recover your Mac to the exact moment that was backed up. No other files or programs were lost during recovery. Sadly, this meant that if I wanted to update my site I would have to redesign each page and overwrite the existing ones. This proved to be too time consuming for a site that already was going to need to be changed since I no longer provide photography services.

I figured the best option would be to let the old site expire and build a new site, focusing my film services, on a new web host. That's why June 30th will be the last day of www.vicephotos.com. If you've never been there have a peek before it's too late.

Be sure to keep a eye out for the new site, which will officially go live on Thanksgiving night 2012...

Please note: while Time Machine may have failed horribly when it came to iWeb, I can, in no way, feel justified to give a angry rant about it due to how awesome a job it did with everything else. This is one of the best ways to protect important files on a Mac and should definitely be used to its fullest. You win this round Apple... HOWEVER! I will be discussing what can happen to your iPad and iPod files after aforementioned back up takes place in the near future.

See ya next blog!

June Wedding Promos

So far this looks to be my busiest month for weddings and the latest wedding snippets can be found right here. Like always, as each new promo is released, this blog will be updated with the embedded video(s). So lets get started.

B&C Wedding Promo


A&E Wedding Promo


E&W Wedding Promo


(New) J&K Wedding Outro
(Something a little different this time. Instead of opening highlights this is a sample of how "ceremony only" movies close. Footage was stylized in black and white exclusively for online viewing)


That did it for the month of June. Hope you enjoyed these teasers. More will come in the following months so, as always, see ya next blog!

Do Not Deal With Best Buy, Geek Squad, or Precision Camera!!!

Best Buy, Geek Squad, and Precision Camera...

My worst issues with these services came since last year. They have lead me to protest the services provided by these three entities and to provide a warning to any that choose to use them.

To catch up on the current situation please read my earlier blog written November 3rd of last year.

http://dvdeluxe.blogspot.com/2011/11/geek-squad-is-worthless-sometimes.html

In that blog you will read that I had a fairly positive first experience with Best Buy's Geek Squad but suffered from a very poor second and third attempt at having my camera properly repaired. Eventually I did receive my camera and the issues I had afterward were too negligible to write about. Sadly 5 months after that experience I am forced to write, again, about the poor service I have received on the part of these three services.

Last month, I almost suffered a major loss as my camcorder began making very loud whirring noises, right before I was to film a wedding. After a few on/off attempts, and lots of prayer I was able to get through the evening. I immediately went to Best Buy the next morning to explain my problem.

This was to be my 4th visit for this camera and under Best Buy's "no lemon" policy, my camcorder should have been replaced. To my surprise, however, I was told they're was no record of my initial visit and that this was on record as being the third attempt. Since I was assured that computer NEVER make mistakes, as well as the employees that use them. At this time i'd like to quote my last situation in November 2011;

"I called the number and using the service order number given to me I was told that the device had been repaired and sent back to me back in 2009! upon further inspection they discovered that the same number was referencing a older camera I had repaired in 2009 and that they had no record of my current camera."

This was a losing battle on my part and I was more concerned with getting my camera back as soon as possible as it was my primary source of income, so I conceded, let my camera be sent out for repairs once again. This all occurred on April 15, 2012. The expected return date was April 27, 2012 as noted on my service contract. So I waited, and waited, and waited...

This is the ONLY praise I can find with Precision Camera, the business that the camcorder was sent to for repairs. They kept in touch! The 27th came and went, and I was very frustrated that I would have to go through the same ordeal that plagued me in 2011, but then I started receiving calls. I was being regularly updated by Precision Camera on the progress of my camcorder. This meant the world to me, and gave me the there extra patience needed to wait for my camera to return. It was my understanding that the delay was because of the wait on parts that were ordered. That's understandable to some degree. At the very least, it was a huge step from what I went through before.

Fast forward to 26 days later...

Today, May 11, 2012, I went to pick up my camera. They brought it out and I looked over the paperwork. According to the service papers,  only the lens and bottom housing was replaced. I was very impressed with how different those two things made my camera look until I checked the files within my camcorder and realized that in actuality I was not holding my camcorder but someone else's.

It is no exaggeration to say that I have spent hundreds of hours recording with my camcorder and that I know every scratch, scar, and label on it. For Geek Squad to force me to believe that this is my camcorder is like a daycare provider trying to convince a parent that a child they never saw before is theirs.

Very coldly I was told, again and again, "I don't see what the problem is." Here are the 2 major problems.

1. If this is, in fact, my camcorder, you performed unauthorized, unnecessary, and undocumented work to my product. The hard drive DID NOT need to be replaced. I was offended by the speculation that was made that I was lying about the contents of the drive.

"We don't check the hard drive. How do we know that footage wasn't already there?," they said.

Well allow me to use, only the information on hand at the time, to explain why that speculation is near impossible. The events of last year, that they have in their computers, show that the reason for my visit in October of last year was due to failed hard drive. They have, on record, that the drive was replaced. That would mean that any information found on the drive would have to start from the date that I got my camera back from Best Buy. Therefore it is impossible for this camera, if it is indeed mine, to contain footage taken from December 27, 2009 all the way to April 30th, 2012!

This means that I have gone from a hard-drive that was newly replaced, to a 3 year old drive that could go up at any time.

2. If my hard drive did need to be replaced, quality assurance was not taken in assuring the privacy of the contents of digital media. I find the repair and reuse of digital storage media an unsafe practice, compromising the privacy of customers. Especially when care and thought is not taken in making sure the contents of these devices are not thoroughly erased. In my camera I have this persons name, his wife's name, his children's names, where he went on vacation, his children's sports activities, his job and workmates. No one else should have access to this! And if I have his hard drive, who has mine!?

Geek Squad's response?

"What do you want us to do about it? Precision Camera is not going to replace your camera."

I want to know that my privacy is being protected went I intrust my hard earned equipment to you.


I want service to be performed in a timely fashion that merits the additional $200+ i give you for "Premium Black Tie" Protection.


I want to be respected when I have a grievance and consult you with the utmost respect.


I want written policies to be honored.

What I want, I cannot get from a company that has distanced themselves so far from the people they serve that I can't even be supplied with a higher contact to seek further resolution.

This camcorder, with it's extended warranty that expiring in 2013, is the final tie I have to this pitiful excuse of a company, after which I will never do business with again.

I don't normally beg for comments but I'd love to know if anyone else is going through this below.
Take care of yourselves...

Decided to Post Some Creative Writing...

The Untold Dream
By Dennis Vice (written May 2011)

I remember lying in darkness, hearing voices around me, within me,
not understanding either.

Who I was, or where I was, a mystery,

A mystery that held very little priority in comparison to life or death, the answer of which I needed to make now.

For some reason, dying made sense, and I begged for more time to figure out why I felt this way, but memories had not returned and time was dwindling.

Suddenly someone spoke out to me, "looks like I was wrong." I could not make out who spoke but the voice sounded familiar.

Without the time to question how I understood this voice among the countless ones around me I quickly asked the question I felt was most important,

"Do I have a reason to live?"

There was a pause, a silence that felt like hours long.

"i guess so..." the voice said. "...So what will you do?"

"I'll live..."

"I figured as much," the voice said, now sounding closer than before. "But I'm not going back with you, you'll know why soon sooner or later."

The unending darkness was then broken by the image of someone in front of me. I struggled to remember where I had seen the face before but to no avail.

"I guess this is goodbye," the image said as it slowly faded from before me. In a final faint voice I could hear, "take care of her..."

I was alone in the darkness once more. I still didn't know who I was but I knew the choice I made. Whatever happens now I suppose is up to me.

Suddenly the light returned, and with the light some memories, I felt weak, but then I remembered always feeling weak. I couldn't move.

I was in a emergency room. I almost died, and yet it felt like I did die. I suppose it's to be expected though, from my understanding of what I had been through.

The choice made within the darkness will forever motivate yet puzzle me to this day.

What was 'he' wrong about?

Why was 'he' there?

And why did my looking in the mirror reveal who 'he' was?

Another version of myself...

...

Some dreams are better left never told... I'm fairly certain thats what 'he' would have said. Oh well, he's not me, anymore.

Interesting Apps 5 - AVT ChapterIt

My Problem with Final Cut Pro X

(long story short, I hate using Compressor 4 to make chapters, continue reading for my reasons, or skip down to "The solution" for the app review...)

I have owned Final Cut Pro X since day one. Sure I had some complaints about the new GUI and it'e similarities to iMovie but I was willing to hang in there and give it a chance. The two problems that I could not overlook, though, was the lack of multi cam support, and lack chapter marker creation. Recently a update has added multi cam support but I am still frustrated with the lack of any chapter creation.

Until today the only solution I was able to find was to export my movies to Compressor 4 and create chapter markers there. After that I could encode my movie with Compressor. There is nothing about this process that is straight forward. Here are my common problems;

(Also I should note that I am using a 2.8 Ghz Quad core i7 with 12GB RAM; all programs are up-to-date as of this posting)

Skimming on Compressor is nothing like FCPX. You end up wasting a lot of time trying to fine tune marker placement and Compressor regularly freezes, loses sync with audio, crashes, or stops playing video, thus making proper chapter placement very difficult.


Too many steps for titling chapters and reviewing chapter names. It took me forever the first time to find what I needed to do to even create a marker and if you rely on the mouse you will be moving back and forth repeatedly clicking options just to create a marker, title it, confirm, and then skim to the next marker. The fastest method is to use the shortcut "m" to make a chapter, then "command + e" to open the marker edit screen. Just make sure everything is spelled correctly, because unless you plan on wasting more time reviewing each chapter marker one by one, then the next time you'll see them it will be too late for editing.


Some encoding projects in Compressor take entirely too long! This past weekend I finished a 75 minute movie that needed chapters before being converted into a iPad compatible m4v, as well as a DVD. The estimated time for completion was over 30 hours. In addition, the process was never completed because 6 hours in I received a Quicktime error-50 for one file and a Quicktime error-0 for the other. This morning I decided to give up using Compressor and encoded the movie directly from FCPX (no chapters), using the same settings that Compressor used and my movie was finished in 2 and a half hours.

I'm a little upset at the fact that I had to pay 50 dollars for a program that I only use to create chapters, which ends up slowing down my workflow in the process. Today, however, I have found a solution that I had to share with those that have been suffering with the lack functionality apple has provided us thus far.

The solution...

Available now in the App Store is AVT ChapterIt

There the free version that only supports Quicktime movies and the $2.99 paid version that handles Quicktime, MPEG4, and Matroska (future update).

This has been the easiest (and only) way to add chapters to my movie files, that I have found other than Compressor 4. After dragging a file in the area you have multiple options. "Black Detection," which automatically places chapters at fade outs. "Auto," which places chapters at timed intervals of your choice. Or using the timeline to manually place chapters with single frame precision. You can even import chapters from TEXT or XML files as well as DVD (.ifo) files.

Your chapters and titles are all listed on the side and are easy to review and edit. All you need to do is click "save" and your done!

Made a mistake on previous movie's chapters? Drag them in and edit those chapter points, or create new ones, without having to re-encode or start from scratch.

So far, I can confirm that chapter markers are recognized in iTunes, Quicktime and iMovie, as well as on the iPad. I'm sure that with our support, functionality of this program will grow. I would like to see audio skimming in a future update but it's not a real big concern at the moment.

While I still think Apple should just add chapter creation to FCPX, this is a excellent alternative to spending 50 bucks on a program that you can't get the most out of yet.

My thanks to Stephan Eichhorn and Scirius Development for a fantastic product.

March & April Wedding Promos

Special Thanks for permission to post these teasers to the respective couples. Below is a sampling of wedding videography performed by The Professional Services of Dennis Vice for the beginning of 2012.

Much like last year new, teasers will appear near the end of each month.

Both weddings below have fantastic additional coverage videos that I hope to be able to share in the future, but for now enjoy the standard teasers.

A&L Wedding


M&A Wedding


Remember it's never too late to check for availability and schedule to have your special day captured by the Professional Services of Dennis Vice...

Harris Wedding Full Version

Video Coverage taken October 15, 2011 by The Professional Services of Dennis Vice Online chapter embedding provided by embedplus.com

Nike Fuelband Round 2

It's another Wednesday and another attempt at getting a elusive Nike FuelBand. I'll let the pictures tell the tale...

For my thoughts you can check out the rant here

Overthinking the Fuelband

Given the extended wait for more FuelBands I figured i'd help the time pass with my thoughts. For anyone wondering when more Fuelbands will be available here is a quote from NikeFuel's twitter:

"We’ll have more Nike+ FuelBands in limited quantities on 2/29. We'll tweet the link at approximately 5p EST."

But until then let's look the Nike FuelBand in relation to the 6th generation iPod Nano.

I'd like to preface this blog by stating that, at the time of writing, I own neither a iPod nano or a Nike Fuelband. It is currently my desire to obtain a Fuelband for personal use although I doubt that will happen any time soon. I have no affiliations with Nike or Apple.

Now then, if you read my previous blog you know my thoughts on how ridiculous Nike was with last week's Fuelband release. I don't plan on beating a dead horse and I don't wanna pick on Nike here but I'm inclined to be a little interested in this devices future when you really think about it.

Many other articles I have read have began comparing the Fuelband to other health tracking devices. It was articles like those that peaked my attention toward Fitbit, and I may share my thoughts on that at a later time. My reason behind todays comparison though is because I see a foreshadowing of a possible future, in this particular market, between two companies, Nike and Apple.

Let's begin by looking at the relevant product statistics of Nike's Fuelband and Apple's iPod Nano:


For this comparison I want to completely ignore the fact that the iPod also is a music player.

Nike+ Fuelband (size: medium) 

1.06 oz
accelerometer
4 day battery life  

Nike's Description:"Nike+ FuelBand tracks your activity through a sport-tested accelerometer, then translates every move into NikeFuel. Nike+ FuelBand tracks running, walking, dancing, basketball- and dozens of everyday activities. So put it on and get moving."

iPod Nano 6th Generation (without optional wristband) 

0.74 oz
accelerometer
24 hour battery life (music) 

Apple's Description:"The built-in accelerometer in iPod nano gives you real-time feedback on your workout, and you can upload data to the Nike+ website. There’s no need to connect a receiver or use a shoe sensor to track your steps, distance, pace, and time."

Both devices are light, have accelerometers, and without music playback the nano can possibly get more than the advertised battery life.With so many likeness in one device, as well as a preexisting partnership, why does it look like Nike or Apple are attempting to distance themselves from each other?

Only recently has the Nano had the ability to track steps using an accelerometer without the additional nike+ shoe device. This, however, was not a marketed feature of the Nano, but instead, an added feature through firmware update. Then, not too long after that, Nike introduces a device that doesn't rely on the shoe dongles either, the FuelBand. Is it possible the dongles were Nike's tether to a popular Apple product and without it, Nike could suffer? If this was the case then two things would secure Nike profits, having it's own device that utilized accelerometer tracking like the Nano, and "NikeFuel."

"NikeFuel" in my opinion is what is going to make or break the Apple/Nike relationship. Baised off of Nike's explanation of it, any health device should have the ability to display Nikefuel, it's a matter of taking pedometer readings and displaying results using a different formula, Nike's formula. If it catches on then it could become the new "currency" of health and fitness.

Think about it, Nike has already announced sensor equipped shoes, and they will no doubt utilize NikeFuel to decrease on confusion between products. Anything that doesn't use NikeFuel, including the Nano, will end up taking a back seat as Nike pushes it's line of devices forward. A win for Nike, (kinda.) After all, they stand to make more off of $149 Fuelbands then they do off iPod Nanos that no longer need Nike's $19 sensors.


Of course this is nothing more than speculation. But until I see iPods displaying NikeFuel, then i'm inclined to believe that there's more to this FuelBand/NikeFuel fad than meets the eye...

Seriously, how hard would it be for Nano's to show this?

The Nike Fuelband Quick Rant...

Yeah I'm gonna sit here and rant for a minute...

If you plan to release a high demand item then make sure your site can handle the traffic!!! I was on paypal confirmation at 5:01pm and what do I see after final confirmation? "SOLD OUT!" How many of these things did you make? Fifty?! Fabricated shortages went out of style with Nintendo Wii's and Apple products. I hope you realize that people are not buying Fuelbands for their unique innovation. It's for the name! In no way do i think that's a bad thing.

But it really goes on to say a bit more about a company that really doesn't care about the individual consumer. In my opinion they really made no effort to do anything aside from make money.

Lets use the Nintendo Wii as a example:
It was ridiculously overhyped and  made in limited quantities, which in the long run, probably helped sell more than originally expected. Yes, people were vary upset at availability but Nintendo gave the impression that they did what they could. They released production numbers, something Nike didn't do. They also released the Wii from as many online and retail locations as they could, (or so they say.) In the end, if you missed out on a preorder or a restock you could end up feeling as though you just didn't try hard enough, not that the odds were unfairly stacked against you. Nike, on the other hand, relied on twitter links, use of the term "short supply", and a website infrastructure that can't handle more than 5 people at a time. Everyone that was able to get one of these fuel bands today should also go out and buy a lotto scratch off because your on fire.

Why am I wasting time with this angry rant? Because this is exactly what Nike wanted. They wanted people mad and angry. Angry people are vocal, vocal people stir interest, interest creates buyers, buyers make them more $$$$$. After they get their fill of ego inflation for creating another product that "sold out" in seconds, then they will open that warehouse door, start filling orders, and all of a sudden, people won't be so angry anymore.

So I say let's just get the ball rolling...

CONGRATULATIONS NIKE FOR MAKING ANOTHER SELL OUT PRODUCT!
OMG! CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY SOLD OUT IN SECONDS!!!
YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK THATS A NEW RECORD!!!

Now restock so the rest of us can #MakeItCount...

But you know what would be real funny? If Apple decided to make a similar device, (yeah I know it wouldn't happen because Nike and Apple are already sleeping in the same bed,) but the thought of an even more overhyped company blowing them out the water for dragging their feet on restocking would probably make a few of us smile right now...


Update - 7:00pm
Just received this twitter response:

"We appreciate you reaching out to us. Just to let you know, we encourage you to follow @NikeStore for updates and assure you that we will be the Nike+ FuelBand inventory regularly."

Whether this is a auto reply to anyone who tweets about their frustration or a direct reply to my blog is currently unknown, (my money goes to auto reply.) Lets see what their definition of "regularly" is...

DV Test Collection 1: Ike and Tina

Your in for a treat. Season 2 of "DV Tries" is still in production but with a little free time, instead of relaxing, I'm getting better acquainted with the new updates to Final Cut Pro X.

Now that multi cam support is finally introduced into FCPX, it's time to put it to the test.
Enjoy the final results!



In the end, the multi cam implementation is excellent. This clip used synchronization based on audio and I think it couldn't have been better. Two completely different cameras were used and you start to see slight differences on the auxiliary view due to the fact that the Nikon D90 maxes out at 720p while my regular camera can record at 1080p. The resident color matching features were also put to the test and differences can be seen, so my suggestion to anyone that plans on using multi cam setups, is to do as much color correction before recording instead of in post. Of course maybe that's just a tip for amateurs like me...

(As a side note this video was attempt number 7 at doing a simplified multi cam setup for the past 4 years. With its "success" I'm ready for an even larger test with a lot more details to follow but volunteers will be needed. Don't call me, i'll call you...)

Wanna see more? I'll see what I can do... See ya next blog!!

Verbal Abuse is not Ok

Whats happening in 2012

Picking up where 2011 left off we continue to be plagued with verbal abuse and bullying in our society. Even as I type this blog the next door neighbors are arguing so loud that you'd think the walls were paper thin. Cartoon Network has made efforts in the past months with "Stop Bullying" commercials. With the advent of  Youtube and other similar video sharing sites, more and more incidents of verbal and physical are posted for all to see. In a effort to further educate I decided to compile some info as well as do a little experiment of my own. But first lets properly define "verbal abuse." And by "properly define," I mean do a wiki search...

Verbal abuse (also known as reviling or bullying) is best described as a negative defining statement told to you or about you; or by withholding any response thus defining the target as non-existant. If the abuser doesn't immediately apologize and rarely indulge in a defining statement, the relationship may be a verbally abusive one...

...A person of any gender, race, culture, sexual orientation, age, or size may experience verbal abuse. Typically, in couple or family relationships verbal abuse increases in intensity and frequency over time...

...Despite being the most common form of abuse, verbal abuse is generally not taken as seriously as other types of abuse, because there is no visible proof and the abuser may have a perfect persona around others. In reality, however, verbal abuse can be more detrimental to a person's health than physical abuse. If a person is verbally abused from childhood on, he or she may develop psychological disorders that plague them into and even through adulthood.

People who feel they are being attacked by a verbal abuser on a regular basis should seek professional counsel and remove themselves from the negative environment whenever possible. Staying with a verbal abuser is damaging for a person's overall well-being; and all steps to change the situation should be pursued.

Ok, with the definition out of the way lets try this. Below is a detailed list of types of verbal abuse. If you have at one time or another regularly suffered from that type of abuse add the corresponding 5 points to your total score. In the end, take your remaining score and vote to your right. You can also leave a anonymous post below with your number score, or if you really wanna help inspire and let friends know they are not alone, post or even tweet this page along with your score to friends. With all the stupid number games on Facebook lets attempt something that could really educate for a change...

(BTW- My score is 50, the majority of which came from school, with absolutely none of that coming from my wife. Had to head off the rumor mill...)

Types of Verbal Abuse

Belittling - 5pts

Belittling "puts down" the victim and invalidates her opinions or feelings. Or it may be designed to tell the victim that her concerns or accomplishments are insignificant. Belittling statements may be patronizing put-downs such as, "Well, that's nice that it gives you something to do."

Some belittling statements include:

• You can't take a joke.
• You're too sensitive.
• You don't know what you're talking about.
• You're making a big deal out of nothing.
• You always have to have something to complain about.

Countering and Correcting - 5pts

Countering shuts down the discussion and opposes denies the victim's reality. The abuser argues against her thoughts, her opinions, and her reality. By negating her views, the abuser feels he is maintaining his control and dominance over her.

Abusive "Jokes" - 5pts

Put-downs disguised as jokes often refer to woman’s gender, to her mental abilities, or to her competency. This can include statements such as:

• You need a keeper!
• What else can you expect from a woman?
• You couldn't find your head if it wasn't attached.

Holding Out - 5pts

The abuser who refuses to share himself with his partner, who ignores or refuses to listen to her, or who refuses to share information is violating the premise of a relationship. Holding back emotional support erodes confidence and determination. Holding out includes refusal to communicate, and statements such as:

• There's nothing to talk about.
• You wouldn't be interested.
• It's none of your business.

Side-Tracking and Shutting Down - 5pts

Forcing the discussion off track, shutting it down, or changing the subject are ways to control and frustrate the conversation. Sometimes accusing and blaming are used to hijack the discussion and throw the victim off balance. Some shutting-down statements are:

• You're just trying to have the last word.
• I don't want to talk about it anymore.
• Just drop it!

Transferring Blame - 5pts

Many abusers blame their partner for their anger, irritation, or insecurity. Telling the victim that the abuse is her fault confuses her and puts her on the defensive. An abuser may accuse the victim of the very actions done by the abuser himself. (This can be very "crazy-making.") Some blaming phrases include:

• It's all your fault.
• You're just trying to pick a fight.
• If you weren't so...

Faultfinding - 5pts

Most statements that begin with the word "you" or "always/never" signal abusive faultfinding and criticism. Faultfinding veiled in help or advice is abusive.

• You’re always so….
• Why can’t you just…?
• You should just let me do that.

Intimidation - 5pts 

Intimidation can come through words or actions that threaten or imply harm or loss. It is designed to control and gain power through fear.

Insulting and Labeling - 5pts

Insulting names and personal "labels" are abusive, as are demeaning sexual references.

• Dingbat, air-head
• Slut, bitch, broad
• Stupid, ugly, fat

Selective Memory - 5pts

Abusers may "conveniently forget" or alter the facts. This selective memory can be used to deny, twist, and rewrite reality (this is also "crazy-making"). Selective memory is signaled by statements such as:

• I don't know what you're talking about.
• I never said that.
• You're making that up.

Commanding - 5pts

When someone commands or demands instead of respectfully requesting, he/she denies the worth and independence of the victim.

Lashing Out - 5pts

Lashing out at someone is never justified. Angry verbal attacks, yelling, raging, and temper tantrums can be effective ways to intimidate and control others.

So what now? Don't ask me. I'm only here to educate. I'm no doctor. But talking about it is always a start...